We all face criticism. Sometimes it is welcomed, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it comes from others, and other times from ourselves. What matters most is how to handle criticism.
Criticism can be a gift to us, or it can be damaging and leave behind deep scars. You may be feeling betrayed, or you may have been hurt from someone close to you. So how can we let this go? How can we move forward?
What strategies can we use to move past this criticism?
- Firstly, determine if there is any merit to the criticism. This is difficult to accept, but oftentimes there is some validity or truth to the criticism. Your fans may not teach you very much, but your critics come with lessons. Let this criticism be your teacher. The criticism may be harmful, and there is no taking away from that feeling, but how can we transmit that feeling to something good?
- What Peter tells me about Paul, tells me more about Peter than Paul. The message here is; When someone has an issue or lashes out at you in an unkind way, it often has more to do about them than you. Something triggered them which really is a “mirror-up” moment for them, however they chose to place that energy on you instead of themselves. But humans are humans. Their words are just words. They don’t come with any meaning unless we choose to attach meaning to them.
Whenever I feel unfairly criticized, I remind myself of the quote, “the higher you go on the ladder, the more your behind is exposed”. If you are out there playing a big game, you are wanting to advance yourself, and you are in a growth cycle – you are living in a big way. This means that your strengths, as well as your flaws, are more visible than those of someone who is playing a small game or staying under the radar.
There are always going to be critics, and it’s all good.
- Take the high road. Don’t dwell on the criticism and don’t repeat it. We often want to reach out to others to invalidate the critic’s claims. We want to hear that we are okay and that the other person, the critic, is incorrect. Don’t give your present moment energy to try to gather agreement from others or to repeat the criticism. Whenever the criticism is repeated, it gives it energy. There is no good reason to do this.
- Forgive. When it’s time, and you are ready to forgive someone or bear no hard feelings, this quote may offer you guidance. “He drew a circle that left me out. I drew a larger circle that kept both of us in.” This takes incredible spiritual power. To be able to draw the bigger circle, that is inclusive of yourself as well as the critic, takes courage. Hold your space. Find that feeling inside of you and release it for “non-forgiveness, is like you drinking poison and thinking that they will die”.
Hanging on to anger, wrong-doing, or grievance, will only affect you. You don’t need this in your space. As quick as you can release it, and if you can, move to that place of forgiveness and draw the bigger circle. This is where both beauty and power come from. I once had a situation in which I helped someone, and they became so mean-spirited. They made a lot of false attacks and did so in a very public way. It threw me off big time, but I didn’t react. I didn’t retaliate and I gradually went through these steps and let it go.
When you do the right things, the right things will happen.
The truth always comes around. The same person that hurt me, ended up reaching out to apologize and explain that they were in a really bad place at the time and asked for my forgiveness. But I was able to say, that I forgave them a long time ago. This was evidence to me that if you keep the high road, the truth will always come around.
These are simple, yet true strategies that can help us with how to handle criticism.
They have worked, and continue to work, for me. There is nothing new or exceptional about these strategies, but the reminder is helpful. It is very easy to get caught up in criticism and forget all that we know or forget our true purpose. These strategies help to bring us back and navigate the appropriate steps that we need to take to move forward.
We owe it to ourselves and our energy is best focused on forgiveness and what is to come versus what has happened. Through learning how to handle criticism, you are taking your power back and keeping focus where it is meant to be.
